Ah, there you are, October 31st. It’s that day once again. Where kids dress up in dumb costumes like a talking train and Yoda (ok, Yoda is cool), where adults use it as an excuse to dress up like giant dicks, kissing booths, or some ridiculous cartoon super hero dad or something. How about the naughty nurse (turn your head and cough, fella)? Or Dracula? You know who nobody dresses up as anymore? The Mummy. I mean, that is one of the easiest fucking costumes, and the Mummy was bad to the fucking bone.
Anyways, yes, it’s Halloween; the holiday of irony. I always found it ironic that so many Christian sheep talk about how Satanic and evil music is, or how demonic things on TV and in movies are, yet they’ll send their kids out to celebrate a Pagan ritual while dressed up as some “ungodly” character, while stuffing their faces with candy and puking everywhere. That being said, I hope everyone has fun and gets lots of full-size candy bars.
When I was a kid, Halloween was fun, as I recall. I was one of those kids who repurposed the same Halloween costume for years until it just dried-rotted and fell apart. I remember one year I was a werewolf. The following year, I was a kung-fu werewolf. I was a heavy metal werewolf. I was a werewolf businessman (I wore a shirt, tie, and slacks from the Catholic school I attended). After about 5 Halloweens, the mask took a shit and finally died. Like, the face part of the mask literally started coming away from the hair, and it was just beyond saving. My sophomore year of high school was the first time in five years I didn’t have a fucking mask, and honestly, I was bummed because it was fucking badass. I decided to go as Alice Cooper, along with a friend of mine who went as a possessed priest. That shit was awesome because he looked like Regan from The Exorcist. The only issue that year was that whatever makeup my buddy put on me started running into my eyes from sweat and made me feel like I was going blind. It was worth it, though, because it was fun as fuck, and dressing up and trick-or-treating in 10th grade is both awesome and dorky as fuck. I wouldn’t take it back for anything.
As I got older, it was Halloween parties with adults who all had the sense of humor of 10th graders, so I was definitely in my element. The naughty nurse was there, I saw a guy dressed up as an enema bag, and I even saw six guys sporting boxes and dressed as a bus. I had my fun still. One year, my wife and I were Han Solo and Princess Leia (I was Leia), and we won the contest. And then another year we did the Wizard of Oz, where I was Dorothy, she was the scarecrow, and our dog Cassie was the cowardly lion. It was great fun. These days, I’m just content to hang out at home, turn off the porch light so I don’t have to be bothered by rugrats demanding candy. We’ll make dinner, put on a movie, and hang out like we do every Friday night, but there is always a part of me that misses that.
Anyway, consider this blog entry your Trick or Treat, and my treat is a badass playlist. This playlist is made up of bands covering other artists, which I consider a form of costume. Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden went as AC/DC, Dream Theater went as Deep Purple, and Jorn Lande went as Kate Bush. You get it now? It was great fun putting this together —consider this the soundtrack for your All Hallows’ Eve evening.
Don’t forget to check your kid’s apple for razor blades.
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