It’s hard to believe that another year has passed. There was a part of me that was seriously considering not having a Farty Awards this year. I’m not sure why but I just thought that maybe it was something that wouldn’t happen. Well, my dedicated readers spoke volumes and they wanted it back. Once I really got started thinking about 2017, I couldn’t get over how many fucking people out there were worthy getting a Farty Award, for better or for worse. Like last year, the Farty Awards last year were live and they seemed to go over really well. We will be doing this again in 2018 but for now, congrats to all the winners (and losers) of 2017!
Band I Couldn’t Shut My Piehole About This Year
Winner: King Crimson
Most Okayest Drummer
Winner: Pepe Clarke (Kyng)
Shittiest Band of 2017
Winner: Sons of Apollo
Biggest Fail of 2017
Winner: Psychedelic Witchcraft misspelling their name in their video.
Reunion Nobody Gave a Rat’s Ass About
Winner: Portnoy/Sherinian with Sons of Apollo
Best Moment in 2017
Winner: The Return of Graveyard
Feud of 2017
Winner: The Brainfart vs. Wife of ProgPower
Most Horrible Moment of 2017
Winner: Axl Rose singing for AC/DC
Most Awesome Discovery of 2017
Winner: Wucan
Bounce Back of the Year
Winner: Crobot
Venue Most Likely to Give You Lung Cancer and Kill You
Winner: 529
Worst Sounding Venue:
Winner: The Masquerade (Heaven)
Band I’d Rather Eat Thumbtacks Than Listen To (aka The Ghost Achievement Award)
Winner: Royal Thunder
Metal Trend That Makes Me Want To Eat Dry Baby Formula and Puke
Winner: Shitty Genre Tag (Funeral Doom)
Best Band Name
Winner: Shit the Cow
Worst Band Name
Winner: Psychedelic Witchcraft
Worst Joke Band
Winner: Mac Sabbath
Happiest Band in Metal
Winner: Sabaton
Biggest Live Surprise of 2017
Winner: King Crimson
Runner Up: Styx
Worst Show of 2017
Winner: Deep Purple
Best Tour of 2017
Winner: Captain Beyond
Runner up: King Crimson
European Band I Was Pissed Didn’t Come to the US This Year
Winner: Jess and the Ancient Ones
Worst Album (aka. The Shark Sandwich Award)
Winner: Bob Kulick – Skeletons in the Closet
Worst Album Cover Art
Winner: Bob Kulick – Skeletons in the Closet
Best Old Dude Album of 2017
Winner: Whitesnake 87 Re-Release
Best Old School Album That I Heard This Year
Winner: Trapeze – You Are the Music, We Are the Band
Band I Wish Would’ve Put Out An Album This Year
Winner: Brave
Band I Wish Would Go Away Forever
Winner: Huntress
Biggest Meanie PooPoo Head (The Scott Ian Achievement Award)
Winner: Jill Janus (Huntress)
Best Non-Metal Album of 2017
Winner: London Grammar – Truth is a Beautiful Thing
Worst Video of 2017
Winner: Psychedelic Witchcraft – Rising on the Edge (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv0N9-rl91I)
Best Metal Book I Read This Year
Winner: Bruce Dickinson – What Does This Button Do?
Biggest Disappointment of 2017
Winner: Donald Trump as President
Best Interview of 2017
Winner: Thomas Corpse (Jess and the Ancient Ones)
Worst Interview:
Winner: Monz (Travelin’ Jack)
Best Up and Coming Band in 2017
Winner: Wucan
Best Snackfood of 2017
Winner: Zebra Cakes
Favorite Burgers Joint
Winner: George’s
Best Documentary I Watched in 2017
Winner: Unacknowledged
Worst Song With the Best Name
Winner: Hardwired to Self Destruct (Metallica)
Longest career having achieved no successes
Winner: Tuff
Biggest What The Fuck Moment of 2017
Winner: Dio Hologram Tour
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