John Diva & The Rockets of Love – Mama Said Rock is Dead
Release Date: February 8, 2019
Back in the ‘80s and ‘90s, there were plenty of horrible glam rock/metal bands. Trixter, Nelson, Warrant, whatever. It was bad enough then so why would anyone think that shit this horrible has a place in this day and age? I know never to judge a book by its cover but when I saw the name John Diva & The Rockets of Love, I couldn’t help but facepalm myself, eat a couple of Tums and just prepare myself for what was to come.
The opening song, “Whiplash,” kicked in and honestly, it sounded promising until homeslice opened his piehole and started singing. I immediately felt my heartburn kick in and literally laughed as the opening lyrics kicked in; “Whiplash. Baskin. Welcome to the house of sin.” Good fucking God. I mean, for real? Then you have the song “Lolita” which boasts such brilliant lyrics such as “La la la la la Lolita. You’re the queen of teenage drama.” But wait, there’s more. “Rock N’ Roll Heaven” has Mr. Diva stating that “There ain’t no place for Rock N’ Roll in hell. We all live forever in Rock N’ Roll Heaven.”
Wait a minute. Earlier didn’t welcome us to the house of sin? I feel so religiously confused at this point. I mean, are you dirty, skanky ass Poison or are you Stryper? Who writes this shit anyways? Apparently, John Diva himself is responsible for these fantastic works of art. With song titles such as “Lolita”, “Rock N’ Roll Heaven”, “Dance Dirty”, and “Long Legs in Leggins”, I felt like I was reading the track listing of a new Spinal Tap album.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE me some good ol’ sleazy hard rock and roll. There are a lot of new bands that are doing this kind of shit really good. Denman, Kickin’ Valentina, Crash Diet, and Hardcore Superstar are an example of bands doing it right. Their music comes from a real place. Yeah, it may be cheesy and tongue and cheek but it’s sincere because it’s pulling from their earlier glam metal influences.
John Diva & The Rockets of Love sound contrived and as fraudulent as you can get. They make Steel Panther look like fucking Judas Priest. Yes their that bad. Music lovers of any genre can spot a fake a mile away and honestly, I spotted it just by looking at the album cover and the track listing. John Diva’s mama said rock is dead. It’s not dead but it’s shitty bands like this that just may injure glam metal pretty badly. John Diva, quit peeing in the pool, hombre. Get out, go home, and don’t come back… PLEASE!
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