On, June 14th of this year, www.noisey.vice.com posted an article with this headline: “Rock Is Dead, Thank God. It’s time to face the reality that rock has been eclipsed by pop, hip-hop, and EDM, and accept that it might actually be a positive thing for the genre.” Ok, so I know they said “rock” in this headline but in my opinion, this pretty much stands for rock, hard rock, and metal as a ridiculous website like this covers all of the above so why not just say it?
On what fucking planet would pop, hip hop, or EDM ever do to be a positive thing for the rock and roll world? They have their own worlds so let the stay there. Reading this made me more speechless than Ozzy Osbourne being asked about his thoughts on the theory of relativity. One visit to this fucking waste of internet space and you will find out just why a site like this would say something so fucking asinine. Coverage of viral video sensations with French fries stuck up their noses, hipster doom bands that they consider “edgy” and headlines like “65 Phrases Taylor Swift Should Totes Trademark.” No wonder these fucking idiots think Rock is Dead; they haven’t heard a real rock band in their 23 years of living.
Even their metal writer Kim Kelly is so fucking oblivious to what is truly going on in the genre of metal. She paints herself as an authority of metal because she knows of about 27 death metal bands you’ve never heard of and about 17 doom bands that are going to “change your life.” I remember once that I was so frustrated in the lack of coverage that some of these great metal bands that I loved were getting that I reached out to Kim about pitching stories. She replied to me, in so many words, saying no thanks and that she was the metal person there. Ok then. So much for wanting to help further a genre you supposedly love.
When these large ass corporate sites make announcements like this, it just serves as a reminder that the core of their audience is just the commercial general public who feels like they are getting a dose of the best that is out there. What they’re getting are stories about bands who can afford the best publicists who scratch the backs of these sites and publications in order to get coverage. While a great band like Jess and the Ancient Ones goes nearly ignored by mainstream media, hipster shit bands like Sick Shit and Black Tusk make the headlines.
If you are reading this article right now, you are either a frequent visitor to my site or you’re one of the pissed off writers and/or readers that I tagged in the Facebook post linking this article. For the new folks, welcome to my world of shitty grammar, typos, and horrible punctuation. If you’re a regular here, you know exactly what I mean up to this point. The thing is, The Great Southern Brainfart is a small site. I am a two man and one kick ass female operation with the occasional contributor. I pride myself on running a site where I don’t keep my ear to the ground; I dig 12 fucking feet keep and go below the surface and hear what’s really going on.
If I want to really know the best of what’s going on in Hard Rock/Metal or whatever, the last place I would go to is a site like Noisy, Vice, or Pitchfork. I remember watching an interview with Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes once. He was talking about having to go to meetings for the record label where they were talking about market research and he says, “When was the last time they went over to a pot dealer’s house to see what he was listening to? Now THAT’S market research.”
That’s pretty much what you have here folks; if you want something different, you have to seek it out. It’s like the Holy Grail. If you are truly searching for something great, something special, and something truly unique, you’re not going to find out just sitting out on a table in a store. You’re going to have to seek it out and bond with others who are willing to help you in your journey to find just what it is you’re looking for.
So when a site like www.noisy.vice.com proclaims that Rock Is Dead and thinks that this is something that is a good thing, just remember that this is just the surface. This is just what the corporate world wants you to believe and wants you hear. They are no different than Rolling Stone or Spin magazine. They are nothing more than cubicle dwellers with a few tattoos and some face piercings to make you think that they are the real deal.
Folks, dig deeper. Don’t skim the top. Check out sites like The Obelisk, Doomed and Stoned, Midnight’s Children, Fuzzheavy, Sleaze Roxx, and Outlaws of the Sun (just to name a few) and you will find all of those treasures that those fools up at the top declaring their love for YouTube viral stars and Taylor Swift quotes are totally missing.
Rock, hard rock, and metal music are alive and well. They may not be the commercial flavor of the week or the hipster thing to be hearing but trust me, they are down here and they are fucking fantastic. Jess and the Ancient Ones, Graveyard, Blues Pills, Horrisant, Scorpion Child, Kyng, Electric Citizen, Crobot, Siena Root, Whoopie Cat, Wucan, Brave, Bong Wish, Purson, Enforcer, Vindicator, Troubled Horse, MaidaVale, Axel Rudi Pell, Shaolin Death Squad, and so many more; they’re all down here. Come join us and I fucking guarantee you a way better time than they’re having up there!
Noisy, from all of us little folks down here, enjoy your cubicles, your $7.00 lattes, and shut your pieholes. Don’t you have a Mastodon album or a new Ke$ha single to praise?
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